Broken Mug

I broke a mug! It fell and the handle cracked off. Now it's in the garbage. One less mug to worry about. This reminded me of something I wrote two Christmas's ago. Here's an excerpt....Oh, Jon, you were so young back then....

I must preface this next section by saying the following gifts that I mention were all given to me by my parents…who I love.
I didn’t even know that Dunkin Donuts had gift certificates. Seems kind of a waste when the most expensive thing there is 55 cents. Have I been unaware of hinting about a love or need for donuts? I don’t think I’ve mentioned the word “donut” since 1989. At least now I can go there and get a lot of donuts for a long time. That’s one stress I don’t have to worry about for the New Year. Donuts are covered. I don’t really like donuts. What else does Dunkin Donuts have? Coffee? I enjoy coffee but I have a stomach disease and I really shouldn’t drink that much coffee— at least that would warrant getting me a gift certificate for it. Tea? Yeah, I guess I could get tea. The main problem with this gift is that I have to take the subway to even get to a Dunkin Donuts. I’m going to lose money in getting my “gift” tea. I already have my own running water, stove, teakettle, and tea bags. Does anybody want Dunkin Donuts gift certificates? I’ll trade them…for a hug.

The next gift I got was the game Twister. That’s fun. I do like that game. I guess. I also “like” a lot of things. I like carrots. I’m a 26 year-old aspiring writer and comedian who recently chose to begin going to therapy and start taking new intestinal medications. Twister was not on my list this year. I was almost surprised the card attached did not say, “Remember when you would have wanted to play this?” I immediately thought…Right foot “humiliating.” Left hand “dry heave.” Anybody want to play? Next year they should buy me the game “Sorry.”
Is there something about me, my personality, my appearance that cries “mugs!” At least four people bought me multiple mugs and that doesn’t include the people that got me individual mugs. Basically every other gift I got was a mug or variation of one. I live alone in a small apartment in Brooklyn. I already have three mugs. I had five and I gave two away last year because I simply did not have the room for them. I have nineteen mugs now. Does anybody need some mugs? To top it all off, my parents also gave me two mugs that say Twister on them. I do not lie.....

I was a bratty sad 26 year old bastard. I don't like that attitude. Shape up!

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